Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Query Letter for Son of Ogres - First Draft

Hi all!

Here is a query letter template I am trying out for my Young Adult fantasy novel: Son of Ogres. I have based the format on a query letter that was posted on that got a rave review from Janet Reid. I am hoping this format works for my story as well.

So I am requesting feedback--good and bad--on this letter. Does it grab you? Would you be interested in seeing more if you were an agent for YA lit? Please let me know!

Dear Agent,

On the world of Pharll, Brue Overhill is just turning fifteen and is worried about getting the girl he likes to like him back. His challenge: he’s over seven feet tall and stilling growing, because he is part-ogre. Shaleana always seems frightened whenever he comes near her, as though she thinks he’ll step on her. Unfortunately for Brue, a slaver in disguise arrives in town and is determined to capture the young giant for a hefty commission. Brue manages to escape, but his family suffers the slaver’s deadly retribution.

Fast-forward three years and Brue has been joined by a small band of loyal companions, who are aiding him in trying to stop the slavers. They meet with little success, and when one of his friends is killed in a raid, Brue gives up on his quest. Then that night he is visited by the Guardian, who tells Brue that he is a Sentinel of Pharll. The young giant has a special destiny and the Guardian gives him a key to destroying the slavers. But will it be enough?

On Earth it is 1990 and eighteen-year-old PFC Mark Sampson has been unexpectedly called back from the Persian Gulf. He is taken to a secret underground base where he meets General Taylor Murphy, who tells him he is needed to join a team for a special assignment. Mark’s next-door neighbour, Dr. Zonov (who mysteriously disappeared three years ago), had invented a machine that can open a portal between dimensions. The general hopes that Mark’s personal connection to the missing scientist will aid the mission to explore another dimension. But General Murphy has a secret that could jeopardize the mission and perhaps all their lives as well.

A young adult fantasy novel, Son of Ogres, first book of the Sentinels of Pharll series, is complete at 80,000 words.

Thank you for your time.
James Baron


  1. you remind me of Tracy Jordan. EGOT much? ;p

  2. P.S.
    Line 4 typo: frightened
    This sounds like a fun concept. I'll be v. interested to see how it goes. Best of luck to you~ ;o)

  3. I've been an actor, puppeteer, singer, artist and writer...does that count?

    Thanks for catching the typo. Fixed it!

  4. OMG! That is awesome. My husband says please tell us "Son of Ogres" is a dark comedy... Please say it is. Please.

    Your profile pict is Ash... (right?)

  5. Son of Ogres has some comedy, but I afraid it mostly takes itself seriously. I could email you copy in word format if you like.

    Not Ash...Wolverine. Here are some pics from the Calgary Comic & Entertainment Expo:

  6. Wolverine! It's so small. I would offer to read your MS, but I have to admit--I'm hopeless at reading fantasy. I get lost, then I get bored, then I pick up some romance novel.
    My husband on the other hand is constantly shoving those Quicksilver blocks of wood at me. He's a great reader... I wonder... You two might make an interesting long-distance team... (he's currently in there watching ST:TNG. bleah!)
    One note from me, though: In Son, why the jump to 1990? That seemed to come out of nowhere and not really fit. Good luck! Rah rah! Go Cannuks!

  7. Leatrice McKinney at YALITCHAT really gave me thorough review of my synopsis so I will be going back to the drawing board to do a total rewrite on that one.

    As for the jump to 1990, it is actually a jump across to 1990. Brue lives on the world of Pharll, which has magic, and it is in a parallel dimension to Earth. So in the story, both worlds are sync at that time. The story line pops back and forth between both worlds until they collide at the end.

    As for your hubby reading my MS…ask him. No pressure if he’s not interested.

  8. OK! I'll see--your synopsis is v. interesting. I just read over it.

    See, the second paragraph of your comment right up there to me goes like this: mmrrr mrrr mmrrrr mrrrr mmrr mrr Earth. Mrrr mrr. Mrr.

    Me: Oh! (blank look)

    LOL!!! :D