Monday, July 5, 2010

Query letter for Son of Ogres - Version 2

Hi all,

I got some really good feedback on my first attempt at writing a query, and I am hoping that this second version is an improvement. I am stepping away from the synopsis route and trying to give my two main characters a voice. I also hope it will entice an agent to want more. I humbly await your comments...

Dear Agent,

Brue and Mark are twin brothers, but they are unaware of each other’s existence, because they were raised on different worlds. Brue Overhill lives on Pharll, a world of magic and chaos, whereas Mark Sampson was found as an orphan on Earth. Their great-grandmother was an ogre, but only Brue inherited her tremendous size and strength. The people of his village call him Son of Ogres, and strangers speak of him in hushed tones.

After avoiding capture by slavers, Brue devotes his life to trying to end slavery on Pharll. He has a small band of loyal followers, but they are meeting with little success. The slavers are too many, plus they have dark wizards and evil monstrosities on their side. Even Pharll’s evil goddess is frustrating Brue’s efforts. The young giant also struggles with being a leader when he is just eighteen. Perhaps his quest is doomed to failure and he should quit before they all die in vain.

While Brue fights slavery on Pharll, his brother Mark has his own problems. Private Mark Sampson is taken to an underground base to participate in a secret project: to explore another dimension. It seems his former mentor, Dr. Zonov (who mysteriously disappeared three years before), invented a device that can open a portal between dimensions. Mark is nervous of the prospect of journeying to another dimension (who wouldn’t be?), but he doesn’t have much choice in the matter. And it seems the general who brought him in has his own secret agenda. Mark wonders what will happen when the portal is finally opened…and what could come out of it.

My young adult fantasy novel, Son of Ogres, book I of The Sentinels of Pharll series, is complete at 80,000 words. I am a member of YALITCHAT and where I participate in writer support groups. I am seeking your representation to sell my novel to a publisher. I am also working on 3 other novels you might be interested in: Nanuq, a children’s book; Rust, a Sci-Fi novel; and Flame, a thriller.

Thank you in advance for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.


James Baron


  1. Hi, James! This is really coming together. What you've got here gives me a good sense of what the book's about, and I guess other than adding some personalization for each agent you choose to query, I'd say give it a whirl!

    Jessica Sinsheimer had a good tip for starting the process here--see what you think:

    One note about your letter: I'd maybe end that last 'graph after "complete at 80K wds." Maybe add "It is availale for your review" somewhere, but leave off the last bit about the three other books--just because they say you should focus on ONE work you want to sell, and I guess they know you're needing their help to sell it, right?

    good luck!

  2. Hi LTM,

    I will take your advice and drop the mention of the other three books. I should be focusing on the ONE that I am trying to sell.

    I am getting very excited about the process!


  3. Thanks for your advice. I will take it.

    I am soooo excited about the process!


  4. Hi James! I'm just dropping by to let you know I left a blog award for you on my most recent blog post --! I hope the writing is going well. :-)

  5. I saw an interesting way to slip in that you have other MSs available... trying to remember--maybe J. Reid's blog? Will update when it comes to me. The query process is tough--don't let it get you down! best of luck~